Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
