wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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