the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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