need another drink. this is the easiest way
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
