Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
