I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
