ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
