at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
