I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
