i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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