Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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