i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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