thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
