there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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