I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
