You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Im part way to drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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