So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
