I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
These tits shall not be calmed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize