: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
