you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
