hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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