I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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