defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
