life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your penis caused this!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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