I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
