I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
