I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize