I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
