I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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