I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
