I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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