Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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