you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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