Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
