the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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