I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
