Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
