I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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