Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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