new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
