So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
