On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
