The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
