I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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