I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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