My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
