i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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