I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
