Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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