dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
