Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
