WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
