'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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