so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So much rum. So many feels.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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