NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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