Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
