when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
