just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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