I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
