this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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