my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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