I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
