I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
