In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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