Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so explain again why im purple
no
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
