Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
